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i'm not bitter anyway [entries|friends|calendar]

you only disappoint
the ones who
don't believe

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"This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy. " (my new poem) [07 Mar 2005|12:21am]
[ mood | okay ]

I just want to be apart of something you own.
Or at least something you controlled.
But if the past is past then the world can shift around me.
Because this I know, if I stare at you long enough, I realize you're oh so high school.
And sure you're pretty enough, but once you have as many problems as a cheesy day time drama.
Isn't that enough to not be with me?
Even if the past is in the past?

1 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Dude...Freud Loves Curly Hair, Too." (my new poem) [14 Oct 2004|11:50pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I used to take stock in things I held close to me.
Like my home; and the worst of the worst habits my mother relates too.

The twitch while she cooks, and this nervous comfort she feeds me.
I'm used by a makeshift mother with hideous ideals,
As she pretends to breathe for me.

And I accept others as quiet gifts, and I break down at relating to anything.
My drive is to be driven, to ignite her stability.

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Hey Sherman, What the Fuck Are You Doing Here?" (my new poem) [17 Aug 2004|01:11am]
[ mood | sick ]

You look for reassurance in that same question that I always ask you.
"Are you going to miss me?"


But I'll miss those conversations;
When our windows were too foggy to remember that people could be outside.
And I'll miss that second we forgot to romanticize this tension.
It was so poetic for that one second after you finished, when you liked being stared at.

Because I love that facial expression you're taking away to college.
So every time you ask me that senseless question if I'm going to miss you, I understand that we're locked in moments every day that are clouded by imagination.
But I'm trying to stop dreaming, for just this one time.

5 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Charitable Boys Never Get Anything in Return" (my new poem) [16 Aug 2004|03:15am]
[ mood | sick ]

If selfish boys never want to please others, I must be Mother fucking Theresa.
I forgot that my hand was slipping into your jeans, I was too busy watching your mouth.
I was trying to catch a smile in between all of that moaning.

I Remember when you asked me what "it" tastes like.
I said all I could taste was you screaming.

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"The Sun at the Street Fair" [03 Aug 2004|02:08pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

She drops hints that she regrets the only regretful act there is.
Foolishly driving girls home, what a stupid gesture of respect that became.
Her Oral sex and cars go just like a murder and the coverup.
We hide things in our fake closet doors and put things away as if we didn't tell seven other people.

But you told.
Seven other people.

2 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Sleeping Patterns" (my new poem) [06 Jul 2004|04:09am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

My princess gave me a wake-up call today.
She informed me of how beautiful my eyes look in the girliest of ways.
She's quite Beautiful, until she speaks to me...
...Then she's just stunning in an awkward, heavy-breathing, sort of way.

I've never felt so delicate, until we put our seats back in our upright positions.

But I'm feeling oh-so-hot-and-bothered at the moment.
How can this nervous person sleep after a phone call like that?

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"It's Time For a Celebration, Bitches!" [17 May 2004|11:38pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

Man, he's the cutest girl ever.
This heart-stopping kiss could turn into a national statement.

Because boys kissing boys is like....

He slides right in with the same words that my favorite girl would.
Just have a few more drinks, he'll tell me, my stomach looks just like hers.
Don't you remember?

Because boys kissing boys is like....

Like a drunken Massachusetts wedding where there's no bride to kiss, he swore his vows to never break my heart in the same voice a girl would.

Because boys kissing boys is like....


Boys kissing boys is like the stimulant you're too afraid to own up too, but you know it's still the pill you swallow.

4 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Shut Up and Kiss Me, Stupid." (my new poem) [14 Apr 2004|12:06am]
[ mood | okay ]

Stars are just fake, stupid metaphors put there for our approval.
This way, we know our kiss that came from nowhere was for the wrong reasons.
So let me slide in between your legs, my darling.
Tell me how pretty my eyes are when it's too cloudy to see stars.

1 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Did I Really Need to Open Up For Sex?" (my new poem) [29 Mar 2004|06:47pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Idealism is boring. Let's profit from trusting.
The therapist that whores herself around, faking her love.
(as she undresses me every 45 minute session)

She has her own special Red Light District, dressing up so pretty for me.
Pretty expensive, it's just oral sex and shared feelings.
But I notice her glances at the clock, teasing me with honesty.
Telling me I'm getting uncomfortable, she leans in, and I tell her:

"Can we please stop? My mother's in the other room."

2 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"A Lesson in Self-Induced Sleep" (my new poem) [07 Mar 2004|10:15pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I've always thought awkward moments could end up being peaceful in a sort of familiar way.
My grandfather hit his head once, he fell and his life changed.
He couldn't remember who I was, as far as I can remember.

My grandfather died last night.
At his funeral I forgot to cry when I saw him.
I think my grandfather liked me somwhat, but buying baseball cards and watching the game doesn't necessarily make it stick.

I burned his house down last night.
I swore off the possibility of him forgetting my grandmothers name, and I swore off the fact that he loved me.

These three pills, I'll take them when I forget to fall asleep.

One for the baseball cards.
The second for his forgetful fall
The third is for the time he smacked his head on the pavement outside of his apartment.

He forgot who I was and I forgot who my family was.

1 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"I know this is a car, but my name's not Jack" [04 Mar 2004|11:46pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Cars approaching destinations of short distance tonight.
This is your first and last warning, make sure you feel detatched.
When the drugs are in your car, make sure someone is designated to stop it from moving.
To stop you from losing your eyesight at the wrong time.

Please dispatch ambulance and paramedics, there is a reason things are quiet.

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Geographically Speaking" (my new poem) [22 Feb 2004|02:06am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

You told me one day I'll burn in hell.
I'll burn the day you suffer...
The day all of your international dreams burn in front of you.

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"She Should Have Died a Year Ago" (my new poem) [17 Feb 2004|05:03am]
[ mood | nervous ]

She still sees scars when she looks at her pretty little arms.
But she only sees stars when she's hopeful.
An awkward kind of beauty only I can see.
These self-inflicted wounds only make her more adorable.
They only make me more selfish.

Wow even my poems are starting to fucking suck now. What the fuck is happening to me?

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"Now you can rest, my dear." (my new poem) [13 Feb 2004|12:04pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I want to slide down your arms, until we both cool down.
I'm sorry this unassured breathing hurts. Just don't waste your tears.

I promise to let you keep me breathing.
Next time I lose my vision, I'll pretend you kiss me.
Sporadic loss is what will keep me going.

Let me down because I will never let you go.
I promise I won't leave you behind.

I will always keep my promise. I love you.

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

[09 Feb 2004|02:02pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm all about self-destructive daydreaming.
I know the next time I'm on main street, you'll be there if I need you.

Are these two lines any good?

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"You Better Open Your Eyes when I Kiss You" (my new poem) [06 Feb 2004|04:06pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm not impressed by your worthless elitist ideals.
You can call this spite, I just call it the desire to see you in pain.
and even when you try to help, you're completely selfish.
You should have stopped admiring the beautiful strangers, and started admiring me.

And this is the last time I will ever say your name.
You were scared prematurely. You haven't seen strength yet.
No more endless paragraphs discussing your fake ideals that no one shares.
No more fake smiles. No more simple truths.

I'm going to put you where no one will ever find you, looking beautiful as ever.

1 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"A Poem for Carrie" (my new poem) [27 Jan 2004|07:53pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Slide this in painfully. The reward of this drug is quick.
I touch you as if I've known you for years, you claw at my skin for attention.
I need to dress you up so I can bring you down.
I can break you into my submission, it's all the better when I puncture skin.

Forget the cold romantic nights I told you about, you dreamt those all up.
You're only beautiful when I stare at you. Don't ever forget that.
I only want you when you're begging and needy.
...And maybe infacuations can't last a lifetime.

But why can't we try?

Your body is so bruised and beautiful.
We can't let this glorious moment subside.

5 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

Pain is only sexy if you really need it" (new poem) [26 Jan 2004|06:23pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

Forgive me for having an off night.
You're barely visible anymore, everything's grey and off-white.
We'll make sex mean something again, I swear.
Just smother me with your screams and I'll scare you with anxiety.

This can be our bondage if you let it.
Where's my pretty depressed case with the cuts on her arms?
Your so self-assured, don't act nervous just to please me.
I know you think it turns me on when I'm scared.

It's almost painful to see your cute and tiny stomach.
Never again will I let you hurt yourself.
We're having way too much fun.

Think it's really gonna happen this time?

Poetic ideas.. [26 Jan 2004|01:51am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I'm only beautiful when I need to be.

Don't you understand this?

Sex is best with someone as confused as me.
As inexperienced as me.
As fucking disgusting as me.

Because I'll search for that perfect moment.
And even though I may not end up being good enough,
the most sexual feelings come from those who try hardest.

Because I write for the sake of writing.
The same way I feel for the sake of feeling.

We'll make sex mean something again. I swear.

These are some things I just wrote down. Which are good poetic line type things?

1 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

"The Fire Only Burns if You Tell our Secret" (new poem) [25 Jan 2004|11:50am]
[ mood | artistic ]

I feel so dangerous.
It's so secretive and it's so fucking invigorating.
You see me, and I know exactly what you want.
And I love how no one has any idea.

I'm going to make you say things you never thought you wanted to say.
Your shirt's sexy enough on you.
But no one can judge what they don't know.
So don't bother taking that shirt off.
Because I'm going to make you so wet, you won't want it to leave your body.

So tell me you love me, I don't care if you mean it or not.
Just touch me and swear that you need me.

2 hate me for running away from you. // Think it's really gonna happen this time?

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